Christmas Every Month

Once a month, I and my fellow female compadres (the ones not trying to conceive a child), get a little Christmas present in the form of a period.

On occasion, we may find ourselves terrified that we might be pregnant. It can be anything that triggers this terror. When this fright sets, is our period late? Possibly. Are there any signs of being pregnant? No. Are we on birth control? Yes. Is there any rational reason for this fear? Well, it depends on your perspective and your definition of rational. Rational or not, it has happened to me and I’m not ashamed. What causes this fright? It can be our boobs doing the pre-period boob thing earlier or later than they should be doing it, or maybe we just feel off.

Once, my boyfriend’s mom accidently wished me a Happy Mother’s Day (this was followed by lots of awkward laughing). That oh so awkward Mother’s Day goodbye set me down a path of fear. A couple days after, I had my annual physical and my doctor felt the abdomen area to make sure I wasn’t missing any organs. Then she listened to my abdomen with her stethoscope. My first thought was, “Does she normally do that?” And then my thought was “Oh no! She must have a heard a second heart beat while I was focusing on giving the best deep breaths she’d ever heard. I braced myself for the news. I imagined myself taking the news like a champ. “You can sit up now” she says. There was a brief second of confusion on my end. And then I realized, Ah! No pregnancy! But you can never be too sure, so I took a pregnancy test. When it came back negative, I congratulated myself, my birth control and my boyfriend on a job well done. Was he confused? Yes, but who cares! I was on an I’m-not-pregnant-and-although-I-already-knew-this-I-wanted-to-make-sure-high! Christmas came twice that month!


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